Of Bulkheads and Fairies
by Sabith
Summary: Can SuperTyr and BatHarper save andromeda from the evil bulkhead?
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: We do not own any of the andromeda characters and are not making any money from this. How sad.**

**Sabith: hey everyone, what's up?**

**CateRBlack: Just to let everyone know, this was written after a few long days and several sleepless nights. **

**Sabith: if this does not make your ribs hurt with laughter, **

**CateRBlack: Or your eyes water so much you can't read the words.**

**Sabith & CateRBlack: We suggest you see Trance immediately **

**CateRBlack: this is Sabith's first Fanfiction story so try not to be too mean.**

**00000**

"**I thought this was a one way view screen."**

"**Hey ho to the bottle I go, drown my heart and drown my woe. And do do do da dum dum da and there's to be many miles to go. Sweet to the sound of the pouring rain, that falls from mount to hill to plain, better than creek or rippling brook and a mug of beer to save this took."**

**Harper's voice was rich with amusement as he finished his little ditty. He and Tyr hooked arms and swung in circles merrily clacking glasses and taking another big swig of beer. **

**"Okay," Harper said stumbling slightly as he let go of Tyr. "Now I can teach you the words of the song." **

**Just as Harper opened his mouth to begin Dylan's voice sounded in the room.**

"**Tyr, Harper, get up here," he said. **

**Tyr bounded over to the corner that held the camera which Dylan could see them through.**

**Dylan walked away from the monitor but left the link open. He was about to repeat himself when Tyr's giant eye appeared.**

"**I see you Dylan Hunt!" Tyr declared.**

**Dylan looked a Beka.**

"**I thought this was a one way view screen."**

"**It is," she whispered dramatically back to him.**

**Dylan turned, back to Tyr and now saw the inside of his mouth.**

"**We are on our way," it said over enthusiastically.**

**The comm. Link ended before Dylan had a chance to respond.**

**Tyr turned to look at Harper and Harper fell to the ground in incomprehensible babbling and hysterical giggling. **

**Tyr stood staring at the figure slipping into insanity in front of him. **

"**Snap out of it little man we need to get to, to um-"**

"**Command," Rommie stated sounding annoyed.**

"**Voices!" gasped Harper.**

"**I could have sworn they were only in my head," Tyr said looking thoughtfully at Harper. "Anyway like I said, to command," Tyr ordered as he bolted out of the machine shop. Harper followed in hot pursuit, still not convinced that invisible forces weren't stalking him and ran from the room, or would have had he been two feet to the left.**

Tbc…


	2. The terror on deck 822

**The terror on deck eight hundred and twenty-two**

**0 0 0 0**

**Tyr picked up the conversation in the hall as he steadied his pace. **

"**Now tell me the words to that song," Tyr exclaimed not knowing that he was alone in his quest to command.**

"**I order you to answer me!" he shouted not looking behind him.**

"**Fine be that way," he hissed and quickened his pace.**

**He was running down a corridor on deck eight when he noticed a particularly shiny bulkhead that was giving him dirty looks. He stopped abruptly and walked menacingly toward it. "Do you know who I am? I am Tyr Anasazi out of Barbarousa by Victoria, some time ago," he stated not catching his mistake. After an intense moment between Tyr and the bulkhead he remembered the song. **

"**Well I'll deal with you later," he spat, "right now I have more important things to do, like learn that song, I mean get to command." He quickly corrected himself. **

"**Little professor, little professor?" Tyr's voice waved as he turned to see no one there. At this he ran all the way to command with windmill arms. **

"**Okay," he shouted bursting onto command, "I am taking that, I mean her," he said pointed at the purple girl standing timidly at her station, "We will be Alpha Beta Zed. And you take her," Tyr said to Dylan pointing at Beka. "And you will be Omega Gamma Q." **

**Then turning to Rev he said, "And you dog… sit." And abruptly ran from command followed by Dylan.**

"**We're not going Tyr," Dylan stated firmly stopping Tyr in his tracks.**

"**How dare you defy a Kludge you little Uber!" he exclaimed dramatically. "We have to save the professor from the menacing bulkhead."**

"**Bulkhead," Dylan asked confused.**

"**The one on deck eight hundred and twenty-two," Tyr said.**

"**But that's no where near the machine shop seventeen –" Dylan began, "wait we don't have a deck eight hundred and twenty-two."**

"**I'm disappointed in you captain, surely you own ship," Tyr said and suddenly he began to dance.**

"**I know your ship better than you do, nana, nana booboo."**

**Dylan stood stunned as Beka walked out from command and Harper fell out of a corridor to the left.**

**Tyr gasped and ran to Harper grabbing his shoulders and declared:**

"**I was so afraid the magical faeries brought you to the bulkhead!"**

"**Parlez-Vous Français?" Harper questioned. **

"**OUI!" Tyr shouted excited beyond belief.**

**The two immediately began to converse in French Dylan noticing that they failed miserably.**

**Dylan decided after the shock of discovering that his engineer and weapons officer had gone completely bonkers that perhaps he should get them somewhere safe and soft. But lack of having an insane asylum on hand he settled for the next best thing, med deck.**

"**Hey boys," he began holding his hands up and walking slowly towards them. "What do you say to taking a stroll down to Medical?" Dylan suggested.**

"**As long as we don't go down deck eight hundred and twenty-two!" Tyr said Grabbing Harper in a bone-crushing grasp, "I can't risk losing him again!" Tyr wailed.**

"**Help!" Harper said weakly under Tyr's strength.**

"**Alright Tyr we won't go to deck eight hundred and twenty-two," Dylan said a look of concern on his face for his quickly paling engineer.**

"**Don't be ridiculous, Dylan, there is no deck eight hundred and twenty-two, surely you know your own ship," Tyr said letting go of Harper.**

**Harper fell to the ground and when he stood up he had his hand pressed firmly to his nose covering his eyes. **

"**Harper, are you okay?" Dylan asked.**

"**Yes," Harper stated hand still pressed flatly against his face. **

"**What are you doing?" Dylan asked with a glance at Beka who was equally stunned.**

"**Nothing!" he replied in a high squeaky voice.**

"**Really?" Dylan asked.**

"**Really!" came the squeaky answer, "I'm not lying, I swear."**

**Dylan glanced at Beka again, she gave him a confused look.**

"**You know," came Harper's voice again, "If I press hard enough on my nose when I lie it won't grow," Harper said indicating. **

"**Really?" Dylan asked again.**

"**Yup," Harper said proudly like when he's showing off a new machine he's built. "They'll never know a thing."**

"**Who won't?" Beka asked.**

**Harper froze. He lowered his hand slightly so his eyes were exposed but still held his nose.**

"**No one," Harper said scared looking at Beka.**

"**Alright," Beka said looking at Dylan for help.**

**In response Dylan simply pushed on the subject to get to medical, and the two agreed.**

**But as they left Dylan looked at Beka one last time undoubtedly gave Harper and Tyr the chance to plan this:**

**Dylan turned back, to the two were standing in front of him looking like an oddly matched Tweedledee and Tweedledum.**

"**Can you keep a secret?" they asked in unison.**

"**Yes," Dylan replied**

**Suddenly they giggled rapidly and stopped as suddenly as they began.**

"**Come closer-" Tyr said.**

"**-It's a secret," Harper finished.**

**Dylan leaned his head in and each put their mouths to one of his ears, taking a breath in they began to sing at the same time.**

"**A Sunday Sauna Squashed Banana, hee, hee, hee," and giggled insanely looking even more like Tweedledee and Tweedledum. Just then Holo-Rommie appeared between Dylan and them.**

"**Dylan-" was all she managed to say before Tyr and Harper let out ear-piercing screams and ran away in opposite directions. Seconds later the sound of footsteps grew louder from the direction Tyr gone as he came back into view and quickly disappeared the corridor had gone down still screaming hysterically. **

**Tbc…**


	3. Yes man, what do you want?

"**Yes man, what do you want?"**

**It took Dylan nearly an hour to find Tyr and Harper even with Beka, Rommie, and trance looking for them in teams of two. Whenever andromeda managed to find them they would slip away just as Dylan got close. He finally found the pair in Hydroponics.**

**Tyr was swinging from one of Trance's hammocks calling himself something that sounded like 'Rafiki' and Harper was squashed in the corner with a flower that looked remotely like a daisy. He plucked the petals one at a time saying in a paranoid voice:**

"**Their really here, their not really here, their really here."**

**Dylan accompanied by Rommie walked closer to them. **

"**Hey guys how are you feeling?" Dylan asked slowly.**

**Harper jumped dramatically threw aside the daisy, pointed at Rommie and yelled;**

"**ONE EYED ROBOTS!" **

**Tyr tumbled out of the hammock with one leg side tangled in the cords with his dreadlocks askew over his face, shouted just as loud as Harper.**

"**THE BULKHEAD SENT IT!" **

**They exchanged horrified glances and Harper ran to hide behind a rather skinny plant that was a good deal shorter than him. Tyr desperately tried to get out of the hammock when he finally had succeeded he tried to hide behind Harper. **

"**What are those guys doing?" Dylan muttered.**

"**We'll do whatever you want, just don't let the bulkhead get us!" Tyr whispered horrified.**

"**Okay I won't let the bulkhead get you but we have to get somewhere safer than here," Dylan said.**

**Harper came from around the plant with Tyr following like a lost puppy. **

"**Where will we go?" Harper asked with his hand blocking out Rommie.**

**Dylan glanced at her, she nodded and left the room.**

"**Let's see," Dylan began humoring them. "Let's go to medical, we can have trance make us invisible."**

"**Invisible, why would we want to be invisible?" Tyr asked.**

"**To hide from the bulkhead," Dylan said slightly confused.**

"**What bulkhead?" Tyr and Harper asked together.**

"**The evil bulkhead," Dylan said almost bored.**

**Harper and Tyr gasped dramatically.**

"**Super-Tyr, we have an evil bulkhead on the loose!" Harper exclaimed.**

"**It's time for our theme song, Bat-Harper!" Tyr declared.**

**Then Tyr and Harper simultaneously broke into song.**

"**ON TOP OF SPAGETTI, ALL COVERED WITH CHEESE, I LOST MY POOR MEATBALL, WHEN THE BULKHEAD SNEEZED!" **

**Tyr and Harper both put a fist out as if too fly away like superheroes after the bulkhead.**

"**WAIT!" Dylan yelled.**

"**What does that man want?" Tyr asked.**

"**Yes man, what do you want, and be quick about it we have a bulkhead to defeat," Harper exclaimed.**

"**You need a base of operations, a plan of attack."**

"**Yes, too true," Tyr said.**

"**This room should do nicely," Harper suggested.**

"**I agree," Tyr said, "Let's go."**

"**No!" Dylan cried. "The bulkhead knows about this place."**

"**Does it?" Harper asked.**

"**Oh, dear," Tyr added.**

"**Follow me I'll show you a safe place," Dylan said.**

**Surprisingly the two followed and marched obediently down the hall ways to medical. Beka Trance and Rommie were already there when Dylan walked in with the superheroes.**

**As soon as Harper saw Beka his hand flew up to his nose and pressed it flat. **

"**Your one of them!" he screamed ducking behind Dylan.**

"**No, Harper its okay she's on our side," Dylan said in a reassuring voice. Beka gave Dylan a confused look before catching on to what was happening, **

"**Oh, oh ya of course I am," she said still looking at Dylan for some kind of explanation. **

"**She is going to help us defeat the bulkhead," Dylan said more for Beka's benefit then Harper's. **

**Harper slowly emerged from behind Dylan his hand still firmly on his nose as he gave Beka a quick once over.**

"**Well I guess she's okay, even if she is funny looking," Harper said some suspicion still clear in his voice. **

**Beka just watched as he and Tyr crossed the room talking about who knows what. She waited until she was sure they were out of earshot before stepping up to Dylan, "Funny looking? Did he just call me funny looking?" she said her voice quickened in her anger, "He walks around with his nose pressed flat to his face and he calls my funny looking!" she practically screamed. **

**Tbc…**

**Sabith: glad to see you are liking the story…**

**CateRBlack: I find it amusing to and like reading and laughing hard. Clearly I don't need to see Trance.**

**Sabith: well I don't know about that you're a bit messed in the head if you ask me…but who am I to say. Oh! Very important I have been working on a story for a few months a serious one.**

**CateRBlack: speaking behind her hand to you only I've read it, it's very good.**

**Sabith: heard that… anyway the first ch should be up within the month and I hope you enjoy it as well.**

**CateRBlack: I have a feeling you will.**

**Sabith & CateRBlack: Tootles!**

**0 0 0 0**


	4. Feathers and spoons

2

**Harper sat on the med bed with his legs swinging as they didn't reach the ground. Trance had already run her tests on him and told him firmly to stay there. She was having a little more trouble with the Nietzschean as he was insisting on trying to fly. Harper sang a little tune that sounded vaguely like this:**

_Bulkhead sits in the old gum tree, _

_Eating all gum boys he can see,_

_Stop, Bulkhead, stop!_

**Leave them alone!**

**Trance finished with Tyr and left med deck locking the doors behind her. Tyr was about to go into a detailed plan of attack and Harper **_was_** going to listen but then something else caught his attention. **

_"Haaarpeerrr!"_

**He sat up straight like a dog and looked around. **

_"Haaarpeerrr! Doo yoou waaant tooo deeefeat thee bulkhead?"_

**Harper jumped off the bed and looked around frantically.**

**"Tyr, the voices are back!"**

**"WHERE?" Tyr bellowed.**

_"Tyr! Harper! Listen to me!"_

**The two stopped yelling and strained their ears to hear the voice.**

_"That's better now do you want to defeat the bulkhead or not?"_

**"Yes, yes!" They said in unison.**

_"Good, see this feather?"_

**A green feather dropped from an air vent in the ceiling, and Harper scooped it up immediately.**

_"If you tickle anything that gets in your way with that feather, they'll drop down dead. And this spoon will take you to the past."_

**A blue metal spoon with childish sparkles clattered down from the air vent. **

_"But you have to use them together or they won't work."_

**Harper and Tyr nodded enthusiastically.**

**"How does it work?" Tyr asked.**

_"Both of you must hold on to the spoon, and close your eyes then spin around in circles," _**said the voice.**

**Tyr and Harper obeyed; holding the spoon they spun around fast and suddenly fell over. Harper opened his eyes and gasped. **

**"It worked!" he exclaimed.**

**Tyr opened his eyes and seemed shocked as they snuck out of med deck.**

**0 0**

**Beka sniggered in the air vent above med deck. That was too easy, she thought to herself reflecting on what she had done to the boys. Of course unlocking the door remotely was more Harper's forte but she managed anyways. The feather she had found and plucked was from one of Dylan's stranger metals, but the spoon, that was of her own creation. **

**"That should teach him too call me funny-looking," she whispered to herself.**

**But why stop at one prank? Beka thought, I'm sure I can come up with more.**

**"Beka?" Holo-Rommie appeared.**

**Beka jumped so high she hit her head on the air vent ceiling. **

**"What do you want?" Beka asked rubbing her head.**

**"What are you doing up here?" asked Rommie.**

**"Um… making sure that the air systems… are um, not contaminated?" Beka replied. **

**"I could have done that," Rommie said. **

**"Well, I wanted to make sure… there wasn't any… fur balls, or hair balls… or cats in general up here," Beka stammered as she started to crawl away from Rommie. **

"**I've concluded that there is nothing up here," Beka stated and scrambled away. **

**No cats eh? Rommie thought.**

**0 0 0 0**

**Sabith: hey hoe to the bottle I go…**

**CateRBlack: To drown my heart and drown my woe!**

**Sabith: Think we need group therapy? Then join us at Andromeda's Group Therapy Session, (our new story…oh god!)**

**CateRBlack: This one is just as crazy as the one you are reading but it's under my account this time. **

**Sabith: So show up for the first session and cure your insanities, or make them worse. Either way you better be there!**

**Sabith & CateRBlack: Tootles!**

2


	5. RELEASE YOUR PRISONER!

**RELEASE YOUR PRISONER!**

**Harper and Tyr snuck quietly down the hallway, Andromeda had not found them but of course they believed that the Andromeda didn't know them because they were in the past! **

"**Quick follow me Super Tyr!" Harper exclaimed. **

**Quietly the two rushed to the corner. Sticking each of there ears around the corner they could clearly hear Dylan mumbling to himself. A Dylan that was of course not from the past. They looked at each other with ecstatic faces.**

"**I heard some one say that in the past the bulkhead possessed people and a side affect is that they mutter to themselves," Harper said with a strange glow in his eyes.**

"**Let's get him!" Tyr whispered.**

**Harper nodded.**

**Tyr ran to the other side of the corridor. They waited until Dylan reached the three way intersection. **

**Tyr jumped screaming and grabbed Dylan's arms holding them behind his back. Harper also screamed and shoved the green feather in his face yelling:**

"**BEGONE EVIL BULKHEAD, RELEASE YOUR PRISONER!" **

"**What-What is going on?" Dylan asked after freeing himself from the menacing feather.**

**Harper stuck his nose into Dylan's face.**

"**I think he's free," Tyr said.**

"**But this is the past, how do we know that he doesn't know that we know who he is?" Harper asked.**

**Dylan looked confused.**

"**But we don't know that he does," Tyr said.**

"**This is true," Harper said thinking carefully.**

"**Do you know?" He asked to Dylan.**

"**Um, What?" Dylan asked.**

**Suddenly Beka came around the corner and her eyes lit up with excitement and laughter as Harper's hand flung to his nose.**

"**What's going on boys?" she asked.**

"**We don't know that he knows that we know that he doesn't know what's going on," Harper said at once with his mouth behind his hand.**

"**Oh but of course he doesn't," Beka said immediately.**

**Dylan looked at her.**

"**You understood that?" He asked.**

"**Yeah," Beka said as though the sentence had been the simplest thing in world.**

"**Right," Dylan said dismissing them confusing conversation. "Trance has come up with something on their behavior," Dylan said though he sounded disappointed.**

"**Great, what is it?" Beka asked watching the two in front of her who were exchanging patterns of origami and then they sat down on the ground trying to fold them.**

"**Well, she says it's stress, they should be alright again in a day or so," Dylan said.**

"**Stress eh?" Beka said thinking of the small vile in her bedroom.**

"**Yes," Dylan said not catching her evil grin. "I think each of us should take turn watching over them."**

"**I'll take them for the afternoon!" Beka said a little too quickly.**

**Dylan glanced at her suspiciously.**

"**Come on, I'm not doing anything," Beka said.**

"**Alright," Dylan said, "call Trance if anything drastic happens."**

"**I will," she said happily. **

**Dylan turned and began to walk away exhausted.**

"**Be careful," Dylan warned.**

"**We'll be fine!" Beka said smiling. **

**She turned with the wickedest grin to Harper and Tyr who sat on the ground playing like children before her.**

"**Well boys, let's have some fun."**


End file.
